In yesterday’s Winning Strategies session, each Member delivered a snapshot of their businesses from the perspectives of Marketing, Sales, Fulfilment and Culture – with a couple of dot points on each.
This was a succinct way to share and learn from each other, with the advantage of gaining personal clarity from the act of sharing what came to mind first.
Lastly, I asked them to name the biggest frustration in their business, with answers ranging from marketing, to staff’s lack of urgency and work flow.
I am sure if you were asked the same question, you’d have a few related answers – right?!
Interestingly though, through my studies of the brain, heart, and their relationship to the body and it’s biochemistry, I have a different take on frustration than most.
Having reasons for feeling frustrated is actually part of a rather convincing illusion that many subscribe to, that someone or something outside of us is causing the feelings inside of us. When in reality, our frustration is simply based on our interpretation of a person, situation or circumstance; in other words, nothing is inherently frustrating.
Or another way to put it is that it’s not what someone else is doing or saying that’s causing the frustration, it’s our internal response to what they’re doing or saying, based on our beliefs about what is wrong or right.
For example, on a rainy day, you might ordinarily find a farmer rejoicing and possibly even dancing outside, whilst when presented with the same rainy day, even in the same area, a bride might be crying or feeling frustrated and angry about the implications for her big day.
So it is clearly more to do with personal perspective and interpretation than anything else.
Some would even say it’s a choice, and that’s what I subscribe to.
Something that many people do is blame external people, circumstances and situations for their internal feelings, making it quite normal and widely accepted to do so. However, it also stops them from doing anything about it because they’re stuck with that experience, not knowing that they’re actually responsible for the interpretation, and therefore the experience, and that they can change it in the moment.
Understanding this illusion is what gives us freedom, choice and the ability to determine our experience in life and business.
If you’re not totally convinced, think about what comes to mind when I ask you what the number one frustration in your life or business is?
Experience how you feel when you think about that person/situation and now ask yourself these questions:
- Have you felt that frustrated feeling before?
- Is the feeling familiar, you’ve possibly been feeling it regularly?
- Have you felt it for a long time?
- Being able to identify that feeling, are you also able to identify that you are telling yourself and the world that those people/situations are causing that feeling inside of you?
- Are you able to consider that it’s actually not them creating it, but it’s your interpretation of what they’re doing or saying that’s giving you this feeling?
Taking it a step further, we are all biochemically addicted to any feelings that we experience regularly, so we are actually using external circumstances, people and situations as a way to experience the frustrations that we are addicted to. Yes, I’d like to make sure you read that and understood that, we are actually using external circumstances, people and situations as a way or reason to experience the frustrations that we are addicted to.
In order to move out of feeling frustrated with things, and instead to have a more valuable and enjoyable internal state, the key is to firstly own the frustration as our own creation, and then to practise pivoting from the feelings of frustration, to more enhancing feelings, such as appreciation and love.
The quickest way I have found to do this is to ‘find your way back to Thank you’ in those moments when you feel your frustration start to rise. Move your focus and feelings from frustration to appreciation, from resistance to receiving. In time you’ll actually get excited when you feel frustration, fear or anything less than amazing, as you recognise another opportunity to dissolve your addiction to those less than amazing feelings, to break the habit of being yourself.
Each time you do this, you’re actually upgrading your system genetically too, creating a better now, and a better future. Kind of like installing a new operating system that is more aligned with the life and business you were born to create and you become equally capable of performing the tasks required to make that your reality. Life and business by design baby!